I am so tired

I am so tired

Today I arrived in North Carolina, after sitting in a small airplane next to two women who would not shut up. They were talking non-stop from the moment they entered the plane and continued after we landed to not shut up. They were talking about everything you would not expect others to discuss in a public place where everyone can hear you. It was so obvious that individuals that I was traveling with mentioned that the people in front of them, who were two rows in front of me kept trying to figure out who was talking so they could tell them to shut up.

I’ve survived the rails

I’ve survived the rails

It has been a very long last couple of days. As I work to prepare to leave for North Carolina tomorrow morning the stress, the tension, the overwhelming feelings have taken a toll. I am successfully at O’Hare International Airport and leave tomorrow morning for North Carolina. I took the train system in because I didn’t feel like spending a couple hundred dollars on parking at the airport. Instead where I thought I found free parking at the first train station actually is costing me $60.00 because they are incapable of updating their website where it still says free parking. On a side note the parking is good for a month, which means I can use the same pass in a couple weeks when I have to return to O’Hare to fly to Nashville TN.

The Fear of Change

I am less than 48 hours away from one of the biggest moments of change in my life. In two days, I leave to take on a new adventure, an adventure I look forward to, an adventure I am excited for, and an adventure I am terrified of.

I do not handle change very well, but I have lived my life in a realm of very little change, and the change that has happened was small to be expected change. Change like learning to drive and getting my driver’s license, change my graduating high school, change like discovering your first crush.

The truth is, it’s not change I am afraid of, it’s the unknown that I fear. After spending two years nearly bed ridden, hardly able to function, and often needing the help of my family to do much of anything, it is the fact that I am becoming independent once more that I am afraid. Afraid of what may happen as I take on this new path.

I am trying to remain focused on the Lord, and realize that the change is not bad, that this is a huge improvement, and blessing on my life. I am trying to not fear and focus solely on the Lord. It is a struggle, a small part of me wants to say, “No I can’t do this.” But I must overcome, I must pursue, I must push forward.

Maybe you have similar fears, or struggles. You’re not alone, and the best way we push forward is by admitting we have these fears and supporting each other in overcoming them.

If you have any fears of change, please feel free to share them either in the comments or to message me or e-mail me directly. I am more than willing to talk with you, support and encourage you!

Until next time, signing off!

Getting Through Things

Woowie! I have finished my second to last day working at FedEx, with only one day left and I am tired but trying to focus on accomplishing as much as possible before I retire to a game, movie or TV show for the day. 

Something that has been on my mind since late night is going through or dealing with situations that are beyond your control. Such as being consistently blamed for how someone treats someone else when it is beyond your control, you have no responsibility over either of these people, but yet somehow its my fault?

I’m not going to go into details because I will choose to be the better person and respect them, their situation, and their identity, but I am rather tired of getting blamed for their own relationship issues with one another. I’ve wanted to go off on them both at times and simply lay it out to them that their problems are not my problems, I am not responsible for either of them, and they need to grow up and figure things out for themselves and to stop dragging me or others into it.

But I usually keep my mouth shut and have not yet hit the point of being enraged and wanting to slap them silly. (Thank God!) Getting through situations that are beyond our control seems really difficult, especially when you should not be one paying the consequences for the situation in the first place. What I’ve learned is I have to make the choice to not let the decisions of others in these types of situations affect me in my mood or behavior, and that there is nothing wrong with respectfully telling them you do not wish to be a part of the situation.

The hard part is actually following through in the moment of doing this.

Have you ever faced these types of situations? What have you done to handle it? Please let me know in the comments and let’s talk about it!

Until next time, signing off!

The Focus is Hard

The Focus is Hard

The struggle is real, and I don’t know how to overcome it completely. I am sitting here working on writing todays blog post, and at first, I wasn’t sure what to write about, and then I made the mistake of leaving some YouTube videos playing while working on projects. So, while I work on writing this blog post I have NODE playing with the team competing in the newest Super Smash Brothers Game.

Hello 2019!

Hello 2019!

It is official everyone! We have successfully begun a new year which means a lot is going to happen! If you’re writing a check out the next several months, you’re going to most likely write the date as January 1st, 2018, rather than as January 1st, 2019. Don’t worry, we all do it for the first few weeks to first few months. You will push forward and try your best to accomplish a list of goals that you rushed to put together for 2019 in the last few days of 2018.